Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Quarter-Life Cocktail

Advice #7:  Life gets less drunk once you hit 21.

Alcohol
Let’s talk about it.  When you are 18 years old alcohol is the forbidden fruit.  All those years ago, my friends and I would wait weeks for someone parents to go out of town.  As soon as they pulled out of the driveway, we would pull up with any (and  I mean any) type of alcohol we could get our hands on.  Valdimir, the handle of vodka that is priced under $10 a bottle, was typically the drink of choice.  Shot for shot, from age 18-21 we would drink until we were sick and then just sleep it off. 

Age 21+
Then, the worst thing in the world happens.  As you pass through age 21 and the memory of trying new bars every night fades away you realize the alcohol doesn’t go down as easily, you get sick a lot sooner, and the hangovers last much longer…it hits you, you’re old.   
This all happens rather quickly.  The first time may happen at a local pub, when you realize you are tipsy off of only two drinks.  Or it may happen when you are pre-gaming with your other 21 + friends and realize you are all drunk before you leave the house.  This is an unfortunate time.  You slowly start going out less and when you do head back to your favorite spots you’ll begin to notice the 21 year olds looking at you and thinking, “What is that old lady doing here?” it is awful.

Hell on Earth
Finally, the worst part of alcohol and old age, at-work hangovers.  Going to work hung over is not only professionally irresponsible it also makes your day ten times longer and intolerable.  All day you dream about closing your office door, shutting down your computer and sprawling out on the dirty rug, where you assure yourself you will have the best sleep of your life.  While at work you try eating snacks to keep you from throwing up but inevitability you find yourself in the single stall bathroom leaning over the toilet with your boss knocking at the door.   

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