Friday, May 27, 2011

The About-to-be-Bride

Advice #8:  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”

The only thing worse than your pathetic single friend (the one who claims she doesn’t need a man but spends every Friday night getting drunk complaining about being alone) is the about to get married friend. Here is the timeline of how this all goes down.

One Year Prior
Once you approach the quarter-life your friends will start dropping like flies.  She will meet a nice guy and before you know it, she is no where to be found.  She will go from crazy party girl to at home chef and wine sipper.  Finally, the guy will pop the ring.
That is when it all starts the timeline we all go through in hopes that our friends will do the same for us someday.

The Beginning
            The engagement party is first.  Of course you are so excited about your friend and her ring and her fiancé but this is one of the first parties you will have to attend.  You will need a dress, a smile and of course a small gift.
            Next comes the wedding shower, similar to a baby shower, but instead of eating tea sandwiches and looking at cute pink bibs, you will sit around with other unmarried friends and watch the bride to-be open boxes of dish towels.  Oh yes, you will need a new dress and a much more expensive gift.
            Then there is the bachelorette party.  This will require another new dress, room reservations, a down payment on a party bus, weeks of planning and some serious binge drinking.  Just when you think the night is all over, it will suddenly require puke clean-up as well.
            It all ends with the wedding.  If you are in the wedding, you are miserable at this point, in a hideous dress counting down the seconds until the cocktail hour.  If you are a guest things are as expected, the food is average, the drinks are okay, the cake looks better than it tastes, you are wearing another new dress, your feet hurt and you just wrote a $100 check to help your friend pay for cocktails in Bora Bora.  Repeat 10 times.  This is a crucial part of the quarter-life.  

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